Feeling Not Smart

April 21, 2011

I’m reading a book that’s well beyond my intellectual capacity. I don’t like it, its making me feel not smart. The combination of big words and long winded sentences on subjects I know nothing about are playing havoc with my ADD, not to mention my innate ability to become overwhelmed. As I read I can’t even keep the story straight in my head, my brain is slamming doors, “too hard, too hard” it screams and as a means of preserving sanity, not to mention much needed brain cells, it kicks my thinking back to areas of safety, to topics that actually do make sense, like the upcoming royal wedding or where to hit up the best Easter Egg hunts this weekend. Yes, each and every time I try to read another page, my head wanders, I can’t relate. Its a losing battle. But I hate to quit, yet I’m not having fun. Its suppose to be fun. But I feel like I’m back in school about to be humiliated and exposed for not understanding the assigned reading material. I can’t quit. I need to focus and push on, I might learn something, a new word, a different perspective, something. Or I may just have my ego crushed, reinforcing the fact that I’m really not that very smart.

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