Loss

October 18, 2018

I know it’s been a while since I’ve had any visible presence here on the blog. I’ve tried repeatedly over the past few weeks to say something in regard to my silence. But the words are so hard to find. I feel like most of you are aware that last month, my Dad passed away, suddenly and unexpectedly. To say it’s been utterly devastating would be to understate it. I was very close to my Dad and coming to terms with what has happened, has been a real struggle. Its a level of sadness deeper then you ever knew sadness could feel. Its an anger thats uncontrollable and inexplicable. It’s a blow to the gut that you will never not feel the pain from. It’s shit! It really is shit! Life without my Dad is so painful and it feels like it always will be. My Dad was one of the good ones and trying to imagine the rest of my life without him in it, seems unbearable. I’m doing what everyone keeps telling me to do, taking things one day at a time. But sometimes its just about trying to make it through the next few minutes, or the next hour. Sometimes its about playing the music so loud, it drowns out your thoughts. Its a process. A heart smashing, emotional process. And we’re all just doing our best to try and make it through.

To everyone who reached out, offering condolences and saying the nicest things about Dad, “Thank You”. I know I haven’t responded to all of you, but I promise I will. Also “Thank You” to everyone who showed up to my Dad’s funeral and in the days following to pay their respects. My family and I are very grateful.

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