Archive for October, 2018

Halloween 2018

October 31, 2018

One Great White Shark. One Inflated T-Rex. One Daddy Shark (Doo-doo-do-doo-do-doo). A Momma Raptor. Another amazing pre-Trick-or-Treat party hosted by our good friend Aisha and a fun evening of collecting ALL the candy. Halloween 2018.

Ready!

October 30, 2018

Those pumpkins we got at the farm, are now Halloween ready. Decorated with painted sharks and fish (Cullen) and carved dinosaur (Keane).

Not a big fan of pumpkin guts.

A shark painted with glow in the dark paint.

Coming together.

A touch of fish for our ocean themed pumpkin.

Ta-Dah!

A touch of paint for the smaller pumpkins.

When your pumpkin picasso doesn’t turn out how you expected.

“Momma, Dexter’s trying to eat our pumpkins”.

Nevermind, its all good. Dexter doesn’t like pumpkins.

“Normal”

October 26, 2018

Getting back to “normal”, when your normal has forever been altered is such a struggle. You know there are things you must keep doing, keep waking up and getting up for, but you do it robotically. Your emotions have been muted and you feel very little. Its a go through the motions process. Do what you have to do, to get to the part of the day when you can stop pretending like everything is ok. When you can shut yourself away and ask the world to leave you alone. Some days you wake up and you know right away that you will struggle to cope. You want to cancel everything. All plans, all obligations, all conversations. You don’t want to see anyone, or talk to anyone. You want the world to fu#k right off. You’ve lost your Dad and nothing will ever be the same. Its a maddening anger and a debilitating sadness all wrapped up in a big shitty bow of unfairness. But your not just a daughter who’s lost her Dad, you’re also a mother, and as a mother you show up for your kids. You show up and you do the job as best you can despite the pain, to try to preserve their “normal”.

Its been hard to pick up my camera again. Hard to capture the boys as they go about their little life adventures, cos the whole time I’m aware that I won’t be texting these captured photos, or short videos to my Dad. And that reality is devastating.

Keane and Cullen taking their annual trip to The Pumpkin Farm with their good friends, Ella and Henry.

Loss

October 18, 2018

I know it’s been a while since I’ve had any visible presence here on the blog. I’ve tried repeatedly over the past few weeks to say something in regard to my silence. But the words are so hard to find. I feel like most of you are aware that last month, my Dad passed away, suddenly and unexpectedly. To say it’s been utterly devastating would be to understate it. I was very close to my Dad and coming to terms with what has happened, has been a real struggle. Its a level of sadness deeper then you ever knew sadness could feel. Its an anger thats uncontrollable and inexplicable. It’s a blow to the gut that you will never not feel the pain from. It’s shit! It really is shit! Life without my Dad is so painful and it feels like it always will be. My Dad was one of the good ones and trying to imagine the rest of my life without him in it, seems unbearable. I’m doing what everyone keeps telling me to do, taking things one day at a time. But sometimes its just about trying to make it through the next few minutes, or the next hour. Sometimes its about playing the music so loud, it drowns out your thoughts. Its a process. A heart smashing, emotional process. And we’re all just doing our best to try and make it through.

To everyone who reached out, offering condolences and saying the nicest things about Dad, “Thank You”. I know I haven’t responded to all of you, but I promise I will. Also “Thank You” to everyone who showed up to my Dad’s funeral and in the days following to pay their respects. My family and I are very grateful.